![]() About 5-foot-8, 190 pounds, Nate has the concisely compact body you’d expect from a wrestler-turned-soldier-turned-powerlifter-turned-ninja. It’s a practice competition at Chicago Ninja Academy, a gym run by Nate Aye. If this were the real American Ninja Warrior, I would’ve been knocked out after my careless Balance Tank performance. Either way, I’m still staring at the Warped Wall, a 14-foot asphalt quarter-pipe I’m supposed to climb and hang from. I don’t know if Nate saw that and took pity on me or even if that maneuver is grounds for failure. I traversed across the Globe Grasp successfully, but I may have grabbed the rope instead of grasping one of the globes. I completed the Half-Pipe Attack but accidentally swung too far on the rope and landed outside the taped area, so I failed that obstacle, too. I’m sick, snot is dribbling down my face and I’ve already fallen on the Balance Tank, my feet flailing out from underneath me as I tried to roll the tape-covered keg across the floor. So here I am, about ten feet back, staring at the Warped Wall with no idea what to do. ![]() I didn’t think my first attempt on the Monkey Pegs or the Rotating Log or the Double Salmon Ladder would be during the competition.
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